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| Unrelated picture of Vivian and I at my friend Chelsea's baby shower. I just thought it was so cute! |
I don't think I have ever been this tired. Not in my whole life. When Vivian turned one month I got an email from a friend asking how I was doing since at one month the baby high is wearing off and the hormones are still leveling out and you are dogged tired.
She was spot on.
I have heard things about sleep deprivation torture. Being kept awake until you're insane and a danger and reckless enough to crumble under the pressure. If I was ever captured and tortured for information, I would totally give up everything I knew over sleep deprivation. For a small dark space, with a soft bed and a door that locked from the inside, I would tell all. Everything. Sorry America, you have nothing on the mental stability of a new mom.
And I know she isn't intentionally devious...but I swear she can tell when I have walked away from her bassinet at night. She can hear me sit on the bed, the rustle of sheets and bedding, the slower rhythmic breathing of sleep and then she decides to let loose and cry. Just as I am drifting off, she is letting me know that she is not drifting off.
Sigh.
I have literally been so tired that I have cried as I laid down to take a nap. Tears of fatigue and joy mix to only minimally wet my pillow before I drift off to sleep.
2 comments:
I think the church Rs has it all wrong. We need help at 4 weeks and more not right after hospital. You can do it! if I were close I would come take your kids for a bit.
Oh Beckie I know how you feel. Having a newborn is SO hard. The most annoying feeling in the world is just getting comfortable in bed and hoping for sweet sleep and hearing a baby cry. The worst!! On a positive note, you look amazing!! You're beautiful and I seriously hope you can get some more sleep soon!! Also, you make me laugh and I would totally give up any secrets for sleep too. It's necessary to function and feel sane!
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