So as I'm wrapping up my first year of motherhood, I thought I would add one more post about it since its been so long.
Tonight Steve went to basketball, I put Henry in pajamas and I breastfed him for the last time. I have to say, it shook me up a little. I am happy to be done but sad as well. Since we have moved to Georgia, I have been successfully weaning him down to one breastfeeding a day. So far it has worked beautifully. As this day has approached it has caused some reflection. And here is the truth.
The truth is: Breastfeeding is hard.
While pregnant you might dream of the hours immediately following the birth of your child. Both mother and baby glowing with love and bonding as the baby perfectly latches on and the connection is made. Ha.
Yeah right. Even if the experience for both of you goes pretty smoothly, it is hard. Henry and I got it down within days. Yeah it hurt but he latched on well and ate steadily. But then comes the reality. It hurts like crazy and then when your milk comes in you are so full and tender. And then you want the baby to eat for some release but it hurts. It is a lose lose situation.
The key is to never give up. Don't give up. This is the best gift you can give your child. Everyone, books, people will tell you that breast milk is mother's best gift. And they are right. But all that brainwashing makes you think that if for some reason breastfeeding doesn't work, you are a bad mother. Maybe not a bad mother but a mother who isn't willing to sacrifice for their child. Of course this is just guilt ingrained in you for reading too many books.
And then once you finally have a system in place other problems roll along. The baby falls asleep while eating and it takes hours to get in a good feeding. Once you start a meal, the baby has to eat three hours later even if the first meal takes 45 minutes. You're feeding him again in two hours. Or the baby scratches the heck out of your breasts with his razor sharp nails. You might get infections or your baby might be allergic to your milk or your supply might never be enough.
And then its time to go back to work. I started pumping extra milk to store in the freezer weeks in advance but only after one month my surplus supply was gone. I remember vividly one night Steve looking in the freezer and saying that there wasn't enough milk for Henry for the next day. I was ridiculously disappointed and upset. I had been trying so hard to pump at the office and at home and I just couldn't keep up.
But then Henry started eating solids, I was staying at home with him and everything was working out well. I was able to wean away one meal at a time and Henry seemed to adjust well. He loves solids and loves drinking milk and juice.
And tonight, was the last time. I'm only sad because it is the end. He's my first child and now it is over. Although I am happy to be able to wear normal dresses and bras again. And as hard as it is, it really has been so wonderful. Being able to spend this time with him and the bonding. It has been a blessing.