oh baby baby: unresolved piles and issues

34 weeks! 

Black and white because no makeup,

we headed to the beach shortly after this and I didn't feel like bothering with it.

But I did put on earrings!

• My belly button is almost flush with my stomach. 
• My congestion/mucus is pretty much gone although I still have sporadic coughing. But the other day while driving to the doctor I started coughing and coughed a huge snotty loogy into my hand. I didn't cough it up and then chose to spit it out, it was one continual, unstoppable motion. It filled my palm. Luckily, we were pulling up to a red light so I was able to wipe it on a napkin. Gross. 
• Last time I dealt with all this high blood pressure stuff I didn't really talk about it and I didn't really blog about it and it was really hard. This time I am going to try and be more open about everything. There is something so empowering about facing things head on instead of trying to hide them or be in denial. I also find immense power is gathering and expressing my thoughts in words. It gives me the control I need when things are so out of my control. So be ready to read about it. :)
• One frustrating thing about having to rest is that I have adopted an invalid mentality. I feel totally fine and actually quite full of energy but I'm not supposed to do much. So I see myself as sick in a way but I'm actually bursting to get out. Its strange. Maybe thinking I'm sick makes it easier to baby myself. But then I am always pleasantly surprised when I can make dinner and fold laundry. Its a weird dichotomy. 
• I feel like we just have lots of unresolved piles of things around the house and it is driving me crazy. I plan on working on them bit by bit to get things cleaned up. Simple stacks like Henry's old clothes that need to go into storage, new clothes that need to be washed and put away, fabric I had pulled out for projects but now cannot do. Piles and piles of Henry's artwork and drawings that need to be sorted. Mounting masses. 
• On the other hand I am still crossing things off my list. New batteries for the baby swing, cleaning all the old bottles and pump supplies. Cleaning and sorting old baby toys and board books. I also cleaned out the freezer including making two huge batches of turkey stock from old bones I had saved and I have readied my freezer meal list. The plan is to make double all my recipes for the next few weeks and stock up big time. My freezer hasn't been this empty in months and I have to say it excites me--all that room, ready to be filled. 
• I have continued to go to biweekly monitoring appointments. Mondays I have ultrasounds where they measure her BBP. Its mainly biophysical and we have to see a list of things like movement, practice breathing, etc. So far she has scored 8/8 each time and performs relatively quickly. Thursday is Non Stress Tests (NST) where they hook me up to a monitor and we listen to her heart for 20 minutes. These are nice because I can recline in a semi-comfortable chair and almost always fall asleep. Or read. I am getting lots of reading in with all these waiting room visits. They also check my blood pressure which has been low (yeah!) and I have protein urine tests which have come back negative (yeah again!). 
• I am anxiously watching my feet and hands for swelling. I can still wear my wedding ring and it only feels snug if its been warm or at the very end of the day. This is around the time I started swelling last time and I HATED it. I can feel great about my body as long as I still see my ankles and the bones in my feet. 
• One thing that frustrated me about having these high blood pressure possible preeclampsia issues again was I really wanted to go into labor on my own and have as few interventions as possible this time. Since last time I was induced and things didn't go the way I had planned, I was crossing my fingers for a different experience. Well, I am so glad I have chosen to go to the midwives. Not only are they willing to go as intervention free as medically safe, they believe it to still be an option for me. This is a huge comfort as I apparently have unresolved issues from being in the hospital last time. Last week I had to get labs run so they sent me over to the hospital for quicker results. Well I was stuck in a bed, strapped on monitors and hooked up to so many machines and I had these terrible memories. It was so uncomfortable and I was stuck there for hours. Anything I can do to avoid that again, I will do it. 
• According to my ultrasound this week, she already has a head full of hair! I kind of expected it since Henry had a lot of hair. Brown or blonde? Only time will tell.