7 days into Motherhood: You were the first

My mom was able to change her flight and come the Tuesday after Vivian was born. She had originally planned on coming around my 39th week in case I was induced early. Hooray for Gramma who showed up and pretty much got to work taking care of all of us. She grocery shopped, cleaned and showed genuine interest in all Henry's super heroes and star wars characters. She ran interference with him in the night and helped entertain him for days. She also cooked meals and insisted on daily naps for Steve and I.

While I was prepping for baby #2 to arrive, I would ask friends what the hardest part about going from one to two kids was. Most often the response had something to do with emotionally being at ease with having a new child while making sure your first kid was happy and their needs were being met. Since Henry is four years old and very capable of understanding what a new baby means, I wasn't that worried about him not "getting it." I was more concerned about him acting out in response to the new baby and not towards her.

A few weeks before Vivian was born I sent Steve to the library to check out a stack of books on becoming a big brother. Thanks Megan for blogging some great recommendations. Some of the books told about what a new baby can do--pretty much nothing--and how being a big brother is awesome. Being bigger means you can do things like run and eat pizza (seriously, pizza eating was in almost all of them) and you will need to teach your new sibling how to do all these amazing things. There were also a couple of books with real pictures (not illustrations) of families taking care of their babies. I wanted Henry to see what breastfeeding looked like since I would be feeding the new baby.

One book You Were The First was my absolute favorite and it arrived after Vivian was born. Just to preface, I am not an overly emotional person in normal, non-pregnant life when it comes to this kind of stuff. I can read I'll Love You Forever without crying. In fact that book creeps me out--the old lady climbing in her son's window? Sick. But reading this book to Henry only days after Vivian was born turned me into an emotional mess. Not only is the artwork wonderful but the story goes through all the firsts of the first child. You were the first to sleep in the bassinet, you were the first to laugh. In the end, there might a second or a third child but you will always be the first. As I was reading to Henry, I was literally covered in tears. Poor kid, he had no idea what to make of it. Even now as I type I am tearing up.

I thought I would share a couple of recent pictures of Henry to accompany this post. Here he is with a huge tower that Steve and Grandpa helped him build.

Henry received lots of new super hero and star wars figures. Apparently becoming a big brother means getting lots of new toys :)

This story totally epitomizes how I have been feeling the past few days. Even as we were dropping Henry off on our way to the hospital, I was watching him walk into our friend's house and I realized our lives would never be the same. I was sitting in the car and I could see his little, poufy-haired head against the lighted doorway. He was holding his pillow and he just obediently walked inside. I started crying knowing that it would never be just me and him again. And as excited as I was and am to have a new baby in our family, it was sad. Steve got back in the car, saw I was crying and told me everything would be alright. He assumed I was worried about being in labor. I told him I was sad about Henry and I don't remember if he responded but the feelings were fleeting as everything else progressed.

The first few days home I was excited to be able to interact with Henry again. After weeks of laying on the couch it was nice to play with him on the floor. I had missed being involved with games and his action figures and even just being in his room.

Henry's first horseback ride! A lollipop and a horse? Heaven.

 One time I went in when he woke up just a few hours after bedtime. He was sweaty and crying so I assume he had had a nightmare. I got him back into bed and started singing to him. He fell asleep almost immediately but kept singing to him. I was singing songs that I had sung to him as a baby and I was just crying. Couldn't stop myself. I even had to wipe my nose and eyes on the edge of his sheet! Oh hormonal emotions!

Talk about a wonderful birthday party, Henry loved Eve's My Little Pony Party.

I have had other moments where I was just overwhelmed by sadness when it comes to him. Its almost like a nostalgic feeling. Its the end of an era. And while these changes are wonderful and we are so happy to have Vivian, I feel like a mourning for the loss of what was is a natural thing. Putting these thoughts down has been difficult for me and that is why it has taken so long and why I am so far behind on blogging. I actually have lots of other posts ready to go but I wanted to have everything in order. Just typing these feelings has been very helpful especially since I am doing it retrospectively and most of these emotions have passed. But I wanted to have them jotted down so I can remember.

Next up, breastfeeding!