15 Days into Motherhood: Winter's Soldier

When my parents were here, Steve and I escaped for a date to see the new Captain America movie. I pumped some milk, kissed the kids good bye, grabbed my popcorn bucket and we headed out.

The theater was empty when we walked in. Matinees aren't super popular here especially on a Monday.

A man came into the theater and sat right behind us.

In my mind I think, why would someone sit right behind us in a completely empty theater? Its not something I would do. Then I start to panic. Why would he sit behind us? We're all alone. What if no one else comes in? Its just the random guy and us. And no one else is going to come in this theater for at least two hours. That's plenty of time for him to kill us and have time to escape. (Seriously, I realize this is insane!) Suddenly I am racked with fear. I imagine him slitting our throats or shooting us and we would have no way to escape. Even if we tried to run, theater rows aren't conducive to a quick getaway. Maybe one of us could get to the exit... If we screamed, would anyone hear it? The volume is so loud.

Now I realize the man behind us hasn't moved at all since he sat down. Not even fidgeting. Is he prepping his move, is he gearing up to get us?

I am so afraid that I am literally sweating and barely moving myself. Poised for an attack. I think of our two kids. Home with my parents. How would they find them? How would they let them know we were dead? Our Henry and our sweet baby Vivian, all alone.

As these thoughts are racing through my mind, two women come into the theater and sit in front of us. And then some other people come and sit in the back of the theater. We're safe.

Eventually I relax and thoroughly enjoy the movie. I can only imagine that this paralyzing fear was a result of unbalanced postpartum hormones. And at the time it was so real. So very real.